It’s Summer and time to bring out your itsy, bitsy bikinis.I have a body issue just like every girl does. I’m never satisfied in the way I look – too chubby, flabby, jiggly fat and fleshy. I’m always unhappy and trust me, I came up with every possible body loathing you can conjure.

It’s hard being a bigger than average girl in Singapore, there’s almost no diversity in sizes and clothing available. Most girls here are size 6 or 8 and when you see the clothes sold online, it’s almost always for teeny, weeny girls. I’ve both boobs and butt and I find it difficult to fit into most clothes for Asian cut. Either the top is bursting or I can pull up the skirt past my hips.

With age, it gets unbearable. Trust me. I look at pictures of my lithe, lean old self and I wonder, “When did I put on all these weight?” or “When did I start becoming so… _____(insert nasty word of choice!)”. Is this a lack of self-esteem or a refusal to accept that I am no longer supple and that losing weight is not as easy as it was five years ago?

By all account, I don’t think I am ‘fat’. But being in a country where the girls are skinny and crazy about dieting, it’s hard not to be moved and pressurized into thinking that I am. Similarly, guys/boys/men often make innocuous remarks that taunt. A few male friends of mine called a girl “meaty”. A girl, who by all account I think is of normal size,…I found it disconcerting. Am I also “meaty”? Oh, it didn’t help when the ex-girlfriend of my previous boyfriend called me “fat and ugly” before. Is it just low self-esteem on my part or do you girls feel the same too?

I refuse to partake in the dieting craze, be it not eating, eating too little or taking diet pills. It’s unhealthy and damaging and I owe it to myself to treat my body well. (A little too well, perhaps?) The only way I will allow myself to lose weight is through exercising. I love running and I think it’s time I pull out my gears!Exercising releases endorphins too!

So, let’s all learn to love our bodies and accept how we look. Stop hating yourself because no one is perfect. You don’t have to conform to others’ perception of beauty. The most beautiful women are usually the ones with confidence; they glow from inside.

How about you, girls? Any body issues that you will like to share? Am I alone in feeling ‘fat’? Write to me! 🙂

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